From time-to-time I log on to the message boards on weddingbee.com. For those of you who don’t know, it is a no-holds-barred discussion of all things-wedding. I like to keep my finger on the pulse of contemporary brides. Wedding Bee has created an elaborate message board system with threads on dozens of topics (photographers, dresses, florists, etc) and also has message boards for brides in a particular geographic areas. These brides provide a treasure trove of information, even on the most arcane topics and delicate etiquette questions. I am quite certain that there are budding wedding planners among the “Bees.”
Of late I have found an interesting and compelling series of discussions about honoring deceased family members during wedding ceremonies. While weddings are joy-filled occasions, it is important for couples to remember those who could not be there, as well as those guests in attendance. So the question is—what sorts of ceremonial touches can be added to honor those who have passed?
A number of interesting ideas have been put forward: some brides light a candle in memory of the loved one, perhaps the candle is accompanied by a photograph of the individual being remembered. I have seen such rituals at the beginning of the ceremony and then referenced during the proceedings. One “Bee” said that empty chairs were being left in the front row at her wedding, representing loved ones lost. Each chair would hold a bunch of flowers. This made me think of a Scandinavian tradition where the bride has two bouquets of flowers—one for the wedding and one to be placed at the grave of the departed relative. Finally, many young women indicated that they were noting their loved ones in the program to be handed out to guests.
Perhaps my favorite activity that served this function took place at a young colleague’s wedding this summer. To honor the deceased parents of the groom, there was a butterfly release during the ceremony. According to some Native/First People’s folklore, when one whispers a wish to a silent butterfly, she carries that wish to Heaven. Guests were ask to take a moment, during the release, to 
remember the parents.
So while weddings are not ceremonies associated with honoring the dead, there are interesting and moving options to pay respect to loved one’s who are no longer with the bride and groom.
